So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
