I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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