I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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