Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
