I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
