I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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