I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
