May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
