it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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