there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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