My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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