If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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