You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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