It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
