You're so nebulous sometimes
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
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Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize