Pappa wants mamma naked
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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