I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
pray to the hookup gods
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
