Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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