He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ladies don't puke and tell
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
