Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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