I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
