And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
