Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
