The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well I just put wine in my tea
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We had sex on a dog bed..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
