So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
