Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
its liver damage thursday
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
