a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
