So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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