my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
