There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
