just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
