it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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