he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
