So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize