I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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