evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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