very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
