I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
