lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
