glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
