Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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