can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
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High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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