just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
