hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
