I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
