This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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