I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
