Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
