I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
