just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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