Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
