This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
