Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
FUCK WHALES
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