wat bout pragnant strippers??
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
