So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
