I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
