I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
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Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
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Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.