im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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