guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
