I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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