there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
