I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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