i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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