When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
