"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
