im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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