everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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