He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
