btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
