Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize