I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
