just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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